hey happy independence day to all.. wishin luck to all who ve been cravin for their creative n moral independence, may ur wishes come true...JAI HIND

Technology has turned us from a human to a machine. The love for technology, gadgets and information is increasing day by day. Sometimes these gadgets just go over my head, ya I mean it really is difficult to keep oneself updated now a days. It’s a hard job I feel. For me it sure is. I got this iPod as a gift from ma hubby and I was quite excited about using it. But it has been long it was kept lying in my cupboard. Every day I used to think that today I ll get it out and start using but no use as I always forgot.

But today from nowhere at 4 ‘o clock in the morning I finally got a hold of it. And you know its bloody taking so long. The whole downloading thing and synchronizing thing has taken my breath away. It seems as if it’s not my cup of tea anymore but I am a tough bull. I am trying to keep up my breath right in control and have a sip of patience. As there is a saying: patience pays… yippy finally the whole download thing is over now and I can enjoy listening my favorite songs. Here I go….

god bless....

mom.. u r best thing ever happened to me

The best thing in this world is a baby’s smile. It’s so innocent, so pure and serene that it can’t be compared with any other happiness in the world. I can say this because I went through this experience. Infact the whole journey of becoming a mother is an awesome experience.

It’s said that a woman is not complete till the time she becomes a mother and enjoy this blissful motherhood. I personally never took it seriously till the time I myself become one. There is this whole chain or you can say a tree that keeps on growing its branches all over. I am a mother now and I had my mother and she had hers and so on….  I still remember that whenever I wanted her, she used to be with me for whatever and where ever. I was a lazy ass and she had a really hard time bringing me up but she never complained.  I come from a joint family set up where there is a lot of responsibility on elder person’s shoulder and my mother happens to be the elder daughter in law of my grandma. To add to the trouble my grandma has been a real bull to tackle, totally Nirupa Roy kind of saas type of character. My chachu was 12 when my mom and dad got married. So he was like another child to be handled. I and my brother used to be very naughty. I still remember that mom used to make us sleep for sometime in afternoon after the lunch time. The moment we see that she slept we used to pick our sandals and go out from our room to play outside.

I was totally dependent on her till the end of my school time. She used to get all my stuff ready and send me hot and yummy food in my Tiffin just right on recess time. I had this one big benefit of having my school near my house that I used to get hot and fresh food.  And when I used to come back from school she had been ready with yummy lunch. When I was in college I had some practical subjects for which I had to stay in college for late hours sometimes. But when it used to be late she used to come searching for me to know whether I was fine or not. She used to leave everything for me and come running to me whenever I needed her. She has been more of a friend and companion to me than just a mother. Ofcourse, my guide in every aspect and avenue of my life. I can keep on writing about her and never get tired. She never had her meals before me, I remember whenever I would not eat and even fight then also she would not take her meal. Then we used to sit and talk and solve the matter. All my actions had reactions on her.

Her care was always the same from my childhood to college days and till date too. Even if I go today she has so much to offer. Not just food but there is her wait, love and talks everything. Even now if I am not feeling good about something I talk to her but now I take care of this thing that I should not put her in  tensions anymore. But she is my mom and knows me the best than anyone else can. I name it and she understands the problem and give me a solution for that as well.  She has given us all her life and ignored her own personal needs. I owe so much to her and can’t repay that despite of whatever I do.

Now when I became a mother I realized the pain and struggle a women has to go through while giving birth to a child. This is just a beginning and there is a lot more coming up to us. Mom once said that when you give birth to a child it’s a second birth for a woman too. But she forgets all her pains and sorrows when she sees her child in her arms. It’s an awesome feeling and can’t be expressed in words. You get your little junior in your hands. You are happy inside but also bit conscious to hold him because you want to handle him with utmost care. A little baby is like an angel. I can recollect all my moments. I had a premature delivery and my son was in nursery for a few days and I was sent home by the doctor the very fourth day. Adi my son came home on the 5^th day of his birth; it was Sunday I remember 7^th of December. Mom and dad got him from nursery. I was so delighted to see him in my mom hands as if it’s the best I can ever see. I can still feel all that and start crying out of joy that to see my little angel in mom’s hands. She was the one who took him for a bath as well as I never dared. It’s a very responsible job on its own. I always feel him the most secure in her company. After all she is the one who handled me I can trust her best even before me for Adi. I am in a different city now and really miss her. She has given me the best memories of my life and still tries to put all things fine every time I create a mess.

 Mom is such a gift to us from god that is invaluable in every sense. I regret for not obeying her and hurting her many times due to my childish and selfish attitude. All I want from god is to make her happy and be by my side all my life. Adi has made me realize how hard efforts a mother has to do to bring up a child. He is my darling ofcourse and never stays away from me more than 15 minutes. Typical mamma’s boy. Mom I promise I’ll try to do my best to bring him up and give your kind of good and humble preaching. May god bless him good health, calm mind and a humble heart for humanity. 

God bless...

ma own space...

A little space is all what I am asking for….

There are some questions in the world that you never find an answer for and there are some questions that you should never ask. But we are humans and humans are made to be like that. That’s the mistake we make, our conscious keeps tingling us and we ask such questions which should never be asked. I really don’t what I am up to right now. Never felt so alone, so low ever. I am just thinking what I am here for? There is loneliness deep in my heart which cannot be expressed to anyone and I think no one would even be able to understand that.

There are times when you just don’t wanna think about anybody and anything. You want to be all by yourself, sulk in deep down under and want to get that peace for your soul. At the same time you feel like getting up n conquering all this fear of your inner darkness but hence choose to stay in dark.

May be I am not that brave to do it all so soon. I might take some time off for myself first and try to understand me my own self. I can’t pretend to be happy and gay when I am not like that at heart. Suddenly all these relations and its responsibilities seem fake, as if it has been forced upon by this world and society. Why can’t we be ourselves on our own? I might be sounding negative or depressed but this is ma state of mind at the moment. I don’t want any sympathy but just my own tiny space in this big world. Right now all that’s coming to ma mind is this one song from 3 idiots: give me some sunshine give some rain give me another chance I wanna grow up once again…..

Oh lord give me peace…

Happy Friendship Day

Happy friendship day…

Do u know?

In 1935, USA govt. killed a man on 1st of August and next day his best friend committed suicide in his memory. So USA govt. decided and declared 1^st Sunday of every August as Friendship day. On this 73^rd Friendship day I wish you too. Happy Friendship Day. This was one of the first messages that clicked on my cell phone in the morning. Nowadays we have a day dedicated to every person and relation such as Mother’s day, Father’s day, Women day, etc.. And I think there’s a husband day also and there’ll be couple day soon too. I was wondering if all these days have their origin from USA only and are they the contributing to celebrate relations and relationships in the world.

Leave all that apart, today is Friendship Day. This day is about cherishing such a relation which is made by our own choice.  We have certain relations like mother, father, sister, brother, uncles and list goes on and on. But this is one such relation which could not be forced upon anyone and is made after analyzing and knowing a person. We meet many people but all of them do not become friends. We like someone and like their company and understand each other. This chemistry goes on improving and becomes a base of a strong relationship called friendship and which can go for a lifetime as well. A friend is the one with who you can be yourself and can almost talk about anything. We share the happiest moments to the most difficult and embarrassing moments with them. It’s not necessary that we have be in constant contact or meet them regularly, and sometimes just a thought that they are there for us is sufficient enough to be in sense. U know, I have a few friends whom I don’t get to meet regularly, in fact it takes ages when we meet but the moment we are in front of each other we are the same old buddies, happy to see each other and the understanding between us could be seen in each other’s eyes. No complaints no questions as where we were and what we were doing nothing…. Just glad to see other, wanting to sip the cup of cappuccino that we used to do earlier or have the favorite pizza. We decide it on the go and have a good time without thinking when will we possibly meet again or see each other but there is a sense of satisfaction to see each other happy and settled.

I believe the best of friends that we get is during our school time or college time as we have so much time to be with each other and that is the age when you don’t have any self motive behind your friendship. It’s just pure friendship and it goes very long. Later in our lives we get busy with things and there is more of friendship of convenience like business friends and all that. Anyways this is the best relation that I find which is accessible to us. Easy going, no hassles, no faking, true love and care, understanding, and I can go on and on and on…. And this will never end as friendship never ends. So a very happy friendship day to all and hope you cherish this relation for your lifetime.

  God bless.

It's raining or paining...

It’s raining or paining..

After a long wait of hot summer we all wait for the showers of spring called Monsoon. We all love rains, won’t we? The cool breeze of water flowing in the atmosphere around giving us a relaxation from heat n humid weather. But I think this is costing alot to many people living by our side too. We can do anything about climatic conditions. Humans are meant to be adaptive but it gets really tough in case of natural calamities. It’s good that it rains as it improves the ground level of water and enriches the natural sources of drinking water too. But it seems that it is too further improving the levels of rivers around us that they have started rising the danger levels too. There is a news flashing everywhere that rains are playing havoc in so and so town and so many villages are being flown in water…  people lost their house and living and are trying to survive somehow. There is loss of life and property happening all around the nation.

I just saw the news showing that how just one day’s rain has affected the metro cities like Delhi n Mumbai. It’s really disheartening that such big and developed cities are not fully equipped for climatic changes then what is expected out of others. Huh… whose job is to take care of that? Is it government or Municipal Corporation or PWD… well its all of us also responsible in some way or the other? We can’t blame one person or any particular committee for this. Well there has been ignorance on this issue. But is it the first time? No I don’t think so.. It’s been happening all around us but now the situation is getting out of control so we got attentive… Come on this is not done we need to get up and find some solution or at least any alternative to it. There was  a news today that there has been cracks and bumps in roads of greater kailash area which is one of the paush areas of south Delhi and a car is half stuck in that gaddha and beat this that there has been a repairing job done just few weeks ago. This is the condition of roads so how can we feel safe even while walking on such roads anymore.

As we get some kind of problem at home like some leakage or something we get it repaired and take care that it won’t be repeated in future. We should be very cautious in selecting our sources. If we can’t change the way things happen we can atleast try to get some idea and conceptualize how we can turn it and get a batter use out of it. Well the government should also take care of the right maintenance of public property and keep a check on those vendors who are not doing good quality work. Every one of us should be alert of what all is happening around us and voice our thoughts when needed. We should also lend our hands to those who are in need. They don’t need sympathy they need real help and support. So it makes me think that is this rain giving pain to all of us….

Oh god please help humans and humanity….

first bit

                                                                             First bit.

I’ve always been thinking of writing something one or the other but never got the courage to do so. One night on july 27,2010 I thought I should better get and start else I would not be able to do so any other time if not now. At around 1:33 am in my computer I started writing. Finally I got the courage to start today. I am not at sure whether this would keep piling in my computer as a word document file or I’ll ever be able to do anything about it. I really don’t have any experience of writing so I really don’t know what I am doing is sane or just insane.

I‘ve been looking at few of the books that I’ve read so far as to how to make a beginning. But as all other times it’s of no use. I’ve once tried writing the documented news article kind of thing in my college time during the first very year of my graduation in journalism and I got appreciation from my professor as well, but never tried it much later after that. Everyone in my family wanted me to change my subjects as they thought it was of no use but I always wanted this. Then I got an opportunity in doing mime in youth festivals of our college. Then I started concentrating on improving myself in mime. I always believed in giving 100% to whatever I do.

Sometimes I feel that we don’t achieve what we want in our lives completely but then there are certain things that we just wish without even giving it a much assorted thought. And when we get that we are not able to handle the situation. May be that is why people say that we should not wish anything just because the other person is enjoying the pleasures of it. We should make wishes carefully. There have been a few people in my life I can never forget and they contributed in my life in one or the other way. So I thought if I would ever write anything I would start doing it by this.  

First chapter: Kanhaya lal.

I know this guy used to come to our house since my childhood. In fact I heard that he was associated with our family and relatives from a much longer time than I used to think. He belonged to some village and came to urban areas in search of work. He used to come to my grandmother‘s parental house first and used to do some minor helping work for her brothers at their shop. My grandma used to tell me that he has been a lot of help to her as well as he used to come to her house for helping her in little household chores. He has been there on father’s wedding and our births also. I had two brothers out of which one died in his 2^nd very year after death due to blood cancer. He was a great help to my mother as well. After my birth he has always been there to help my mother. I have some pictures where is making me learn how to walk. I was very much attached to him as he always used to come and play with me and used to take me for a ride in his cycle. He was a part time driver also and has almost taught driving to 90% of women in our family and relatives all around. We also used to take him along on our vacations as on a per day driver types. But he was always there to play with me and accompany us. I still remember that on our vacations to Missourie in my childhood dad was always busy playing cards with his group of friends and never accompanied us shopping and exploring. But he always used to be there with us (My mom, my brother and me).

Slowly he also started taking driving tuitions for others out of our family people. But he was always available in our time of need. My mom started having some health issues, she was now a regular patient of headache n pain in her feet. She even faced a few calcium attacks where she would get faint or loose control on one side of her body. But here kanhaya was always there to take care of her. It seemed that he used to be concerned for everyone in the world but no one ever noticed his loneliness. He used to find a family and family members in all of us. But he has been a great sympathizer of our family. My grandma is a typical mother in law as Nirupa Roy of bollywood films. But he was a savior as he used to help mom in certain household jobs. He could anything from driving to cooking to repairing electricity equipments in the house. I never used to miss my chance in sitting at his bicycle and getting rides on it. He was the one to teach me how to drive a scooter and a car. I‘ve been quite a good learner as I learned driving scooter in two days and car in less than a week’s time. But he used to make sure that I get my practice sessions regularly.

Then there was a time when you don’t like anybody intervening in your life and you want to be on your own. Yes the so called adolescence age. He used to come to our house as usual but I somehow started feelin as he was intervening our spaces. I so stopped entertaining him much but his attitude was like as always. But I think he understood the dryness in our behavior so he started keeping himself away but coundnt help visiting us once in a weeks time atleast. May be he used to feel like a family with us. I heard from my mom that he suffered from a broken marriage and mean relatives. His wife went away with some other guy and his bothers always expected monetary benefits from him. He worked for a surd family and used to take care of their daughter’s pick and drop from the school. He used to see us on his way back after picking her from the school. Her name was Sonia. We soon became friends as he used to visit us for some time.

There was this time when my dad was looking for a bride for brother. He came one day saying that he is not feeling well and mom told him to get a medical checkup done as he was looking very week and exhausted. On the other side we soon found a suitable match and the roka was decided. Kanhaya who taught us how to walk always wanted to see us getting married couldn’t see his wish came true. We  came to know that he is suffering from jaundice and he was hospitalized. We went to see him and he had been given this glucose drip by the doctor. We told him about the good news, he was overjoyed with this news and was very excited to get well soon and take the charge of the ceremonies. We also wanted him to get well soon. Doctor told us that his jaundice has crossed the normal stage and his chances of getting better are not very good anymore. We told the doctor that we will arrange money for his treatment but nothing did help. All the people whom he has served all his life never even cared and looked back where he was. It was really disappointing. Mom and my aunt were the last person in our family to see him last. I was busy with my school so couldn’t get to see him last time which I always regret.  Nobody even cared to see him and get his treatment done or even be by his side in his last times. We got this news few days before my brother’s roka ceremony that he was no more. And dad also told that he had some life insurance policies and lot of saved money around sixty thousand or so which they came to know after his death. The money he has been saving for his tough days actually didn’t help, it made of no use to him. His relatives who never cared for him when he was alive came to take his dead body and claim the money when they got to know. I still miss him sometimes for his love and care that he used to shower upon us. I don’t know what I’ve learnt by this as he has been taking care of everyone in his surroundings but no one came to his help in his last time. May be this is life and it goes on and on. People come and go but life still goes on. As Mr. Raj kapoor said ”yeh duniya ik circus hai mere bhai yahan koi kisi ka nahin…..”